It's just a COMPLIMENT...

I remember when I was a teenager and someone said to me, "You are beautiful", guess what I did. I looked him in the eye, looked away and walked away. Well, technically, I couldn't walk away because he then said, "Stop there", and for some weird reason, I stopped and looked at him. He said, "When someone tells you, You are beautiful, courtesy demands you say, Thank you". I was shocked, so I said to him, "Thank you", and he replied, "You are welcome" and walked away.

You may be wondering why I am sharing this, it is because I learnt a few lessons I would like to share with you. This remarkable event taught me the following:

1. It taught me how to react to compliments. Statements like: You are beautiful, You are cute, You have a nice build, are compliments and all it requires is a thank you, a smile, nod, or any reaction to acknowledge the speaker; and to be comfortable receiving compliments. 

2. Not everyone is comfortable receiving compliments, so do not get offended when you compliment a person, and they react with annoyance, anger, dismissal or irritation. Some people are just not comfortable enough to accept  a compliment; and in some cases, the compliment means or reminds them of something that makes them uncomfortable. If it is possible, try to know a person a little, so, you can know the type of compliment the person will be comfortable with. 

3. In most cases, self esteem affects how a compliment is perceived. A person's self esteem and how a person sees himself or herself determines how they interpret a compliment. Many a times, the person reacts based on what I call his or her inner demons. The inner demons include: the self esteem, childhood upbringing, childhood problems, mid life crisis (for some people), emotional state, mental health, among others.

4. A compliment is not a marriage proposal. Sometimes when you compliment some people, they believe it to mean the person that compliments them likes them and wants to be in a relationship with them. I think this is a very wrong notion, if you believe someone likes you, let it be clearly stated by the person, not you assuming. Using myself as an example, if I say, "I like your carriage", I really just like your carriage, most times, I do not see the person, It is the same way when I like a person's shoes, nails or shorts (especially shorts), I really did not see the person, I only saw the shorts, nails or shoes. Enjoy the compliment, but do not assume that it means more than what it is.

5. A compliment is just a compliment. When a compliment is over analyzed, it defeats the purpose. It is just a compliment. If you find it offensive, let the person know. If you like the compliment, just say, "Thank you", smile or nods, and move on with your life. Also, it is not all compliments that are appropriate, so, we need to learn to give appropriate compliments.

It is important to know the difference between a compliment, flattery, a snide comment, an insult, an unconstructive criticism and someone just spewing hate. The type of sentence (also tone of sentence, words in the sentence, mannerism, body language, body gesture, eye contact, to mention a few) determines the type of reaction given. Some individuals are good at making insult sound like compliment, please know the difference, and I hope you address it the way you deem it fit. 

A special shout-out to the Kings and Queens, who know how to compliment a person and make us happy and blush senselessly. You are superheroes, who deserve a standing ovation. Keep up the good work.  

As we move closer to the Valentine period, I hope we use our words, actions and inactions to spread love, peace, and hope to those who need it, and also to ourselves. Happy Valentine's Day in advance.

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